Chab Gassie

The Department of Australian Secret Intelligence is the guardian of a level-9 policy – a policy that isn’t known to anybody who isn’t a member of parliament or a holder of a law qualification. This is the Sensible Selection Act 1953 (Revised 2004) which was put in place after WWII to ensure three things:

1. That no one person who is not fit to be Prime Minister can become Prime Minister by targetting the popular vote or by targetting the fears of the population.

2. That no one person who is not driven to be Prime Minister can become Prime Minister.

3. That no one person with any behavourial habits which will almost certaintly endanger the economic health of the country or the wellbeing of the population can become Prime Minister.

I have learned that about six months ago the legal team at the Department decided Mr Turnbull did not meet two clauses in this Act and would not be able to hold the position of Prime Minister.

The first:

8.1.1

Members of the public who have become successful through business may have done so through one or more major risks which would not normally have been undertaken by a regular member of the public. For example, one may make a decision to purchase a foal before it is born in the hope it will become a prominent race horse. It is true that one who utilises this success to become an elected official may have tendancies to take major risks which would not normally be expected by a voting member of the public.

Mr Turnbull showed he was willing to take major risks when he tried to get the Prime Minister fired for that email. That was quite stupid. He may have become rich by taking these risks, but you cannot do that in politics. He also declared that if he could not get this ETS policy through his own party that he would quit. Why would you say that? The policy suggests that such a stupid risk made by somebody in office might lead to bad economic management, poor leadership during a time of war or ‘the unnecesary imprisonment of the jews or other peoples of a specific religion’..

But the main reason why the Department is working to ensure Mr Turnbull can never be Prime Minister is the following :

27.2.1

One who is skilled in communication and is well learned may become an elected official as a choice in employment, much the same way a man who is skilled in glass cleaning may become a glasier or a seamtress might become a costume maiden within the theatre. These might be achieved through opportunity and minimal effort. One who wishes to become Prime Minister must be driven to lead and move Australia forward as a country under the Commonwealth. Most importantly, they must show their determination to represent their constituents.

This section can be interpreted to read: you can’t become Prime Minister if you don’t give a shit.

During his year or so as leader of the Opposition, Mr Turnbull hasn’t displayed any signs of wanting to lead Australia. It’s as if he just wants to tick a box and ensure his name is never forgotten. So the Department has given a number of targeted backbenchers access to all of Mr Turnbull’s email. They will use this information to slowly undermine his leadership in a timely fashion that will place Mr Joe Hockey into the position – probably 12 months out from the predicted federal election date.

If this doesn’t work for some reason, then the Department will unfortunately have to resort to drastic measures – releasing the pictures of Mr Turnbull masturbating while watching the pre-match entertainment of the 1994 Australian Rules grand final.

The Department has pictures of most elected officials masturbating. There’s a guy who’s job it is to maintain the library. Weird.