Chab Gassie

I had problems in the lead up to the 10km run in the Melbourne Marathon. I got really bad hayfever which was making it harder to breath. It also blocked up my nose and made my voice sound like a muffled car horn. So this made it very hard for me to train.

Also, I was lazy.

So the day before I was concerned that I would not be able to meet my contact on the part of the road track where we’d agreed to speak. This was bad because the department really needed to know the information he had – who is importing the special ’slippery’ bullets that have suddenly become acquired by organised crime – so I had to find a way to get around a 10km track in about 58 mins with my current fitness levels.

I got on the phone to my contact in the local law authorities in Melbourne.

‘Mate. Can you do us a favour?’ I asked.

‘Do I have a choice?’

‘You see that hairpin in the track just before St Kilda Rd?’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘The 10km track for the Melbourne Marathon.’

‘How was I supposed to know you meant that? Let me bring up the map.’ A pause. ‘Yeah. OK.’

‘When you guys put up the road blocks tomorrow, I want you to leave out that hairpin so runners go straight onto St Kilda Rd.’

‘That would cut… about…. 800m off the track. Where are you going to make it up? People will notice.’

‘Nah, it’ll be cool. They’ll just blame the organisers.’

‘No way. Nobody would charge $60 for a 10km run and get the distance wrong. Nobody would be that stupid.’

‘It’ll be fine.’

And I was right. It is amazing how people believe anything. As if the organisers of a fun run would be stupid enough to get the distance of their track wrong. I mean, there would’ve been some people who would’ve trained for weeks and who would’ve felt elation at just finishing the 10km. And there would’ve been people who don’t get out that much who would’ve felt a sense of achievement when walking the 5km, which turned out to be about 4km. It would take a heartless person not to triple check the length of that course.

I believe the information about the bullets has reached Grumplefluff in Germany by now so all’s well.