Chab Gassie

Australian elections are so boring. They are battles for power people! So why aren’t we getting all worked up and passionate to the point that we engage in the elections in other physical ways, like in other countries? How badly do you want this power?

In some countries they need guards armed with machine guns at polling booths to scare off those who want to kill people for voting for the other party. Or you get corrupt political parties who find loopholes in the political system to create new laws that prevent certain people from voting. Or parties send representatives into polling booths multiple times to lodge hundreds of illegal votes. In some countries, the only way you can vote is by locking yourself in the cubicle and blowing yourself up using the supplied C4 (… maybe not true). But here in Australia, everybody lines up quietly to lodge their one vote, politely accepting the voting material supplied by the candidates who are obeying the rules that says they’re not allowed within 30m or something of the registration desk. Everybody quietly fills out the ballot papers, buys a sausage sandwhich from the scout group who has set up a fundraising BBQ, and later all parties involved are invited to look over the counting process and help find informal votes.

If they really wanted the power, the parties would try cheating or threatening people or burning votes for the other party. Or putting assassins with RPGs on the backs of motorbikes to hunt down the opposing candidates. How badly do they want it?

I guess the up side to such a boring election process is that our elections are fair, democratic and peaceful – I don’t think you could find a better example of democracy in the world. But still… boring.

The biggest crime of this election is the press saying that because the Liberals didn’t lose an unlosable election where Labor wasn’t even running, it shows Tony Abbott is doing well. All this shows is that Tony Abbott hasn’t managed to completely bury the Liberal Party within the few days he’s been leader, which would’ve been impossible. I don’t think he could’ve lost these elections even if he tried.

On my way through duty free this week I stopped at the Tag Heuer section of the watch shop at Melbourne Airport. They had 50% off a Tag Heuer F1 model, so as I reached for my wallet, I asked what model it was.

“It’s the Kimi Räikkönen model,” said the sales woman.

“Damn it,” I said, putting my credit card away and putting my wallet deep into my pocket.

“Yeah, sorry,” she said.

As desperate as I am for a Tag Heuer, why would you want a Kimi Räikkönen watch? It would give up as soon as things weren’t going well and act like it was too cool for everybody.